Lately I've been thinking about how much it sucks to be an adult sometimes. You have to make decisions about things that are more important and have a bigger impact than where you want to go with your friends on a Saturday night, or what constitutes the perfect first-day-of-school outfit (which was my biggest decision growing up). You have to make life-changing decisions and decisions that you don't like but are probably for the best. Preference isn't the only thing that matters any more and that's really freaking hard.
So, in addition to the health issues I've been dealing with lately that have left me feeling decidedly "mixed" (my ear is better than it was before, but still not 100% and I'm really freaking depressed about it, but glad that it has been getting better...see? Mixed) we've had to make another decision that has me currently feeling pretty mixed. I wasn't going to blog about it because I thought we weren't telling "real life" people about it, but Aaron got drunk and spilled the beans on Saturday night to my one friend who knows about this site, so here it is.
Before Aaron and I got married we thought that we would try to have a baby right away because we'd been together for a while and we both had baby fever. Then once we got married we decided to wait a year and see how we felt then. By the time a year was up we decided that we couldn't start trying then because the timing was wrong and if we did get pregnant right away it would be born in November or December, which contain my birthday, our anniversary and Christmas, which would just be too much all in one month. So we decided to put it off until June.
Then I opened up my big mouth about it on Amalah's site in her comments, because I was dying to tell someone about it, and as usually happens when I tell someone something I'm excited about but which has not yet happened, it changed. We're not going to be trying for a baby in June, because the situation isn't quite right yet. We're putting it off until September at least.
Now, I'm feeling mixed about a baby right now to begin with. I definitely have a bad case of baby fever, but I've only been out of school and getting a good paycheck for about a year and we're having a lot of fun. We're traveling some, buying some fun toys and stuff like that. It's a fun life, and I'm not sure how ready I am to give it up. But then baby fever comes calling again and I'm ready to give it up in a second.
I know I'm not the only one who has ever felt so mixed about such things. I just wish it wasn't so hard to decide.