Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Mixed

Lately I've been thinking about how much it sucks to be an adult sometimes. You have to make decisions about things that are more important and have a bigger impact than where you want to go with your friends on a Saturday night, or what constitutes the perfect first-day-of-school outfit (which was my biggest decision growing up). You have to make life-changing decisions and decisions that you don't like but are probably for the best. Preference isn't the only thing that matters any more and that's really freaking hard.

So, in addition to the health issues I've been dealing with lately that have left me feeling decidedly "mixed" (my ear is better than it was before, but still not 100% and I'm really freaking depressed about it, but glad that it has been getting better...see? Mixed) we've had to make another decision that has me currently feeling pretty mixed. I wasn't going to blog about it because I thought we weren't telling "real life" people about it, but Aaron got drunk and spilled the beans on Saturday night to my one friend who knows about this site, so here it is.

Before Aaron and I got married we thought that we would try to have a baby right away because we'd been together for a while and we both had baby fever. Then once we got married we decided to wait a year and see how we felt then. By the time a year was up we decided that we couldn't start trying then because the timing was wrong and if we did get pregnant right away it would be born in November or December, which contain my birthday, our anniversary and Christmas, which would just be too much all in one month. So we decided to put it off until June.

Then I opened up my big mouth about it on Amalah's site in her comments, because I was dying to tell someone about it, and as usually happens when I tell someone something I'm excited about but which has not yet happened, it changed. We're not going to be trying for a baby in June, because the situation isn't quite right yet. We're putting it off until September at least.

Now, I'm feeling mixed about a baby right now to begin with. I definitely have a bad case of baby fever, but I've only been out of school and getting a good paycheck for about a year and we're having a lot of fun. We're traveling some, buying some fun toys and stuff like that. It's a fun life, and I'm not sure how ready I am to give it up. But then baby fever comes calling again and I'm ready to give it up in a second.

I know I'm not the only one who has ever felt so mixed about such things. I just wish it wasn't so hard to decide.

5 Comments:

At 5/02/2006 10:21 AM, Anonymous whoorl said...

two things to remember...

1) you are young and have plenty of time.

2) there is never a "perfect time" to have a baby. there will always be something looming (holidays, work, family, trips).

i'm sure it will happen in time! :)

 
At 5/02/2006 11:11 AM, Anonymous donna said...

I couldn't have said it better than Whoorl did. And even when you decide to do it, and it happens for you, there will still be moments when you are unsure. I'm 11 weeks pregnant and I am having moments of "What the hell did I do????" But any life changing thing like this is bound to make you wonder if you've chosen correctly. That is the human condition, I'm afraid.

 
At 5/02/2006 12:11 PM, Blogger Sizzle said...

i agree with both of them. you have plenty of time to have a baby and revel in the desire of wanting one... because when you are pregnant or when you DO have a child, you are IN it. and your whole life changes. why not enjoy traveling and buying fun toys while you have the time, inclination and freedom?

:) sizzle

 
At 5/02/2006 6:09 PM, Anonymous TB said...

Whoorl is right. And I can tell you from my own experience, I felt exactly the same way before we started trying and even now that we are having a hard time getting pregnant. You would think that would make me want it even more, right? But my little secret is that each month when I'm not pregnant, a tiny little miniscule piece of me doesn't mind. I think about how I can still travel and enjoy a glass of wine or a few beers. I guess that's my way of dealing with the situation, who knows.
Anyway, I just want you to know that your feelings are completely normal and being uncertain doesn't mean you're not ready.
If you ever need to talk to someone who understands, you know where to find me.

 
At 5/02/2006 10:21 PM, Blogger Silly Hily said...

There really is never a "perfect" time to have a baby. If you are on birth control and are kind of ready to have one, then maybe get off it and just let nature take it's course. That's what I did right after I got married. I didn't want to take my fertility for granted and wanted to "just see what happens." I got preggo on the honeymoon. But knew that was a possibility and was fine if it happened. Good thing, huh? You and your husband are the only people who can decide when the right time to do this is though. It's a huge thing. I will say this though, once you hold your own flesh and blood in your arms, you'll ever regret doing it. Good luck with it. Don't stress too much. It will all work out.

 

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