Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Dreaming

I am at my mother's house, and for some reason she has a day care there. There are tons of little kids running around, and one comes up to me. I recognize her as Maggie, a little girl who used to go to the afterschool program where I worked in highschool. She hasn't aged at all, but this does not seem weird to me. Maggie tells me she has to go to the bathroom and needs help, so I go with her. Only, my parents' bathrooms are both in use.

"Oh" I think to myself, "I'll just take her to the one through the cupboard".

Sure enough, I push aside some bowls, crawl through the opening and we land in an old unused hallway that is full of cobwebs and dust. We make our way down the end of the hall, where Maggie decides to use the men's room (because of course, there is a men's and a lady's bathroom in the hallway under my parents' cupboard) and I go into the ladies room to, uh, use the facilities.

Just then I hear a scream from the men's room, and I hurry in there to see what is wrong. As I enter, I realize she's not in there and is no where to be found.

Suddenly it's the next day, and my boss (my actual, real-life boss, who is now at my parents' house) tells me that Maggie had died the day before the whole bathroom thing.

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Then I wake up, thinking, "What the hell was that?", and cuddle up to Aaron. I, suprisingly, fall back asleep right away.

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I find out I'm pregnant. I'm so excited and can't wait to share the news with my husband. I tell him when he gets home and he's really angry about it. So we decide to split up. I start dating someone new the next day, and am already massively pregnant. (I wonder why I didn't notice this earlier.)

My new boyfriend takes me to this mini-mart where they have all kinds of snack foods because I'm having a craving and I can't figure out exactly what it is. Then I see it. The perfect craving-solving food. Jalepeno Lasagne flavored Doritos. I open the bag and eat a chip. They are the best thing I have ever tasted.

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Again, I wake up thinking "What was that?". Then the alarm goes off. No sleeping after this one.

What I really want to know is what the heck did I eat or drink that caused these weird dreams.

I've been having a lot of them recently, and they're all very vivid and I remember most of them afterwards. These were the two strangest. When I told Aaron about the first one, I think I freaked him out a little. I was clued into that when he said, "Um, you may need some help".

We've been talking some lately about me getting some "help". I'm still very apparently messed up about the whole driving thing since the accident. There have been multiple panic attacks, many sleepless nights, and a new symptom now - butterflies in my stomach. I feel nervous about 50% of the time, and it's starting to get pretty annoying. I feel a little better (regarding the whole weird stomach thing) when I drink some water or have something to eat, but then it comes back. It was really bad this weekend but is getting better this week. I felt fine yesterday, but am feeling a little nervous stomach-ish today.

Anyway, I'm trying to work through it. I'm so busy with life right now that I don't know when I would fit in some "help". I'm hoping this will all go away on its own. I've been doing better, little by little. Last week after my haircut I drove on the freeway, at night, by myself, all the way home. Granted, this was about a 10 minute drive but I did it. Small steps are important.

This past Thursday we drove to my parents' house in the evening. It was dark for the entire ride home and I made it just fine. No inkling of a panic attack. Thank God. However, the worry that I'll have another one is still there.

And that's almost as bad as the attack itself because it doesn't go away after a few minutes

1 Comments:

At 2/14/2006 3:03 PM, Blogger Isabel said...

I hope you get feeling better.

(and those dreams...are freaky!)

 

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