Reflections

Yesterday's post got me thinking more about when I was younger. Aaron and I were talking about our childhoods this past weekend, and I revealed to him what my life goal was when I was a kid: to be a teenager. I was absolutely looking forward to age 13 more than anything else. To be a teenager was it; the coolest thing that would ever happen to me. At 13 I would be old and sophisticated. I could wear makeup. I could shave my legs. I could wear cool clothes, and go to the mall to hang out with my friends. It would be the best.

I was so excited about getting to be a teenager, that I couldn't even wait to be a "pre-teen". Once, when I was eleven, I told my mom that I was a "pre-teen" and she said no, that 12 was when I was a "pre-teen". So I said fine, I was a "pre-pre-teen". That led to endless teasing of course, but I didn't care. Anything that could remotely link me to being a teenager was fine with me, teasing or not.

Then, of course, the teenage years came and I was miserable. I wasn't allowed to do many of the things I wanted to. Of course I was able to wear makeup in public instead of just during dress-up play. I was able to shave my legs at 12, so that wasn't a big deal any more. But I didn't have that freedom I thought being a teenager would bring me. My parents were still as strict as ever and I felt like I wasn't allowed to do anything. It just wasn't fair!

The teenaged years were also my "awkward period". I was still finding where I fit in and my sense of style. My hair was awful in every picture taken during those years, and my makeup wasn't much better. I was moody. I was angst-filled. I caused trouble at home, not by doing anything that would be considered dangerous or illegal, but basically, I was just being really annoying.

The realization came to me this weekend that for the first half of my life I strived to be 13, and now more than 13 more years have passed since I reached my goal. I'm much happier now than when I was a teenager, thank God for that, and if only I knew how great the post-teenaged years could be I think I would have wished to be 26 instead of 13. 26 is much better.

I just have to keep remembering this instead of getting depressed that another birthday is right around the corner.