The past few weeks have flown by and I even commented once "It's Friday already?" This week is not the same. It feels like a Thursday, but unfortunately it's not. Dealing with insomnia is definitely not making the week go by any faster either.
It's cold and grey here, and I've been thinking a lot about last winter. Last winter, when I didn't sleep for two months. Last winter, when my ear issues were new and frustrating, and I felt hopeless. Last winter, when I had to take days off of work because I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed, not because I was tired, but simply because I didn't have the will to do so. Last winter, when there were dark thoughts that scared my husband when they finally came to the surface. Last winter, when certain medications started looking like the best option instead of the last resort.
Last March was the hardest month I've ever lived through, and frankly, last April I was surprised that I had. In April I told my husband that he'd better get me pregnant by this time next year so that maybe having something else to concentrate on would keep me out of my yearly winter funk that had been way more than a funk last year.
Well, we aren't pregnant, but we are doing some things that I'm hoping will make this late winter something different than last, because I'm petrified of being that way again. This winter I'm taking a class for work. An online class, but a class all the same, and hopefully a good distraction. We're also going to Florida for a week and a half, the same week and a half that I almost didn't make it through just a year ago. I'm hoping some sunshine and warmth will be the best medicine.
I'm incredibly excited for this trip, mostly because I've never been to Florida, and I'm looking forward to a long break from the daily grind. But I'm also excited because I think it will help get me out of that dark place if I start to go there again. Last year the beginning of the end of the mega-funk was a trip to the beach, albeit a cold beach along the shore of Lake Michigan, but it was a sunny day and I felt a little hopeful again. I haven't felt the funk coming on yet, but the grey days have just begun and I'm scared.